My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dear god my vagina.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
