I accidentally burped into my bong.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
