so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
