I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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