He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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