i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
