I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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