I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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