im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
