...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
