the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
