You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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