is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
