Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
