Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
