I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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