I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
