Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Your cock deserves a montage
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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