I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my being single is dangerous.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Alive.
So much puke
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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