The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
