You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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