I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
