every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
