I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
