A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
