I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
