My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
