is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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