Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
