Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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