I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My vagina is officially offended.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
