How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
