I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
