Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
