Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize