I want to have your abortion
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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