I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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