When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
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I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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