I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
