porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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