I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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