Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Drunk is not a location!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
