Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
