I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
