I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
