I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
