Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
