Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
