I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
