i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
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