Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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