If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
