I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
