Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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