drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
