I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
