My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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