respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
