i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
