I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
