Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
