If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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