just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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