I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
