don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's blow job season.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
