so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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