he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
