My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
