how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I have fence marks all over my body
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
