would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
