There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The air was thick with penises
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
