Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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