Dual....:-)
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
