You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
