wrigley field is MILF paradise
im about as happy as oj after his trial
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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