I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
