this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
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I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
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I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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