I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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