I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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