Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
