my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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