There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
40s are totally the cure
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
