drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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