I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
