just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
