dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
