She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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