I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
