I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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