he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
